Processing.
I feel a little silly posting these pictures after a year. But this project is dear to my heart.
Since the pandemic, I have seen my work changing and felt myself growing as an artist. For a long time, however, I doubted myself. I always put tremendous pressure on myself in everything I do. And especially photography (aka Imposter Syndrome, my dudes).
Wanting to produce the best work we can isn't in itself a barrier. But it can be when you have no confidence in your abilities and don't think you will ever succeed because there is always someone who will dislike what you do (or so my brain said).
This idea of being judged by others, to have my work called literal "shit," I have carried it with me since I graduated from photo school. For a long time, I was around people who called others' work names that I won't repeat here. Even just two years ago, I was following a meme account about lousy photography. But at the end of the day, this isn't doing any good for anyone.
Last February, I signed up for a workshop with Vancouver-based photographer Jackie Dives. I was beyond excited and nervous to meet her and work with her. I didn't know how beneficial this 6 weeks workshop would be for me. Not only have I shifted my mindset from looking at my work in a technical way, but I now look at my photography with pride. It is not to say that I don't have any left to learn (I do) or that my photography is perfect (it is not); I can now appreciate my work and capture things that I think are true to who I am.
It's funny how I always feel I become a better photographer when I don't take photos. Not because practice and making mistakes are not essential. But because of where I am in my life, what I do every day will influence my eye, and in a way, I always find my photography better than when I try hard to produce something.
During those 6 weeks, I was swimming, or instead trying to keep my head about water between a demanding full-time job, everyday trips to Vancouver and preparing for my citizenship. Jackie asked all six of us to work on a personal project. I knew I wanted to work with film, but I also knew I would not have time to do so. I opted at some point for a mix of digital and Instax.
Finding myself with other photographers was fascinating as I was in photo school, only in a smaller group. Seeing everyone's mood boards and processes and being given constructive comments on our work helped immensely. My project did look very little like my initial mood board, and at first, I wasn't sure where I was going with it but capturing the floating moments in my hectic life opened a new door for me. I always hesitated to show my work because I always thought, "Who cares." But that is precisely why I should show my work; as Jackie told me in one of our sessions, "It will always resonate with someone."
This also marked the greater interest I have recently gained in zines. Seeing it now again, I think I will turn this work into one and see how I feel or what I know while I flip through the memories of 2022.
Please check out some of the people who participated in Jackie's course and talents all around.